okay, i am back from holidays with a completely new drive, totally trying to cover up what i was feeling. Dealing with myself is never easy in the first place , coupled with so many things thrown at me, i wonder how i did deal with all.

HAHA its not that i never deal with this kind of things before..its just that every time its different. Methods that worked never seems to work again, and its like the ultimate challenge to find the right way before i do anything stupid.

Of course i regard myself to be a rather rational person, so i wonder under what circumstances will my emotions just cloud my judgement...

Dealing is rather irritating, because i never seem to find the root of the issue. Maybe if i expect less from myself i will survive, but i think it will just return to haunt me someday.

Going to just look the thought away and hope that i will never come across it again.

HOLS!

okay, I am so glad that boarding's finally over. No more late nights and sleep alone :)

But there are definitely a lot of things that I will miss; sleeping late, talking with friends, having a nice breakfast and feeling like I belonged somewhere. This is so important to me. Having spent the last few years doing things alone, tagging along when I feel like it, it feels like I am withdrawn from the crowd. Not many still ask me out during my free time anymore..

Starting anew in JC is like being reborn, having a fun and let's try attitude towards everything seems surprising easy, but I really don't know when will I go back into the boring me. Studying is still the top priority, but taking lesser and lesser place in my heart. I want to play, want to try new things, want to make new and more friends, want to have someone else to talk to too :)

I didn't realise the complexity of my feelings till I start realising that I have being over perfectionist on some things that should be fun...

HOLS. Going to enjoy it. While I can.