With so much NUS confessions on romance, I suddenly recalled the few moments which I felt touched, or fluttered by the opposite sex.

Feeling touched was so good, except for the fact that overall behaviour was damn bad.

oh wellz.

Looking back

I think one of the most things that I pride myself over is that I never look back and say "I wish I did something different".

Almost never.

There are always moments which I refuse to move on, my mind circles back to those moments, even in my dreams. My body screams of pain and fatigue to remind me of the kind of mental tiredness I have. My mind can't let go, and that took a toll on my body. 

I always wished that life is not a recurring tale. It is one thing to move on and another thing to face it again. But there are always moments which I face repeatedly the same pressures, the same challenges, the same mindsets. I am who I am and I can't change the way I think regardless of whatever that happens. 

I am not a pressure cooker, I can't handle so much things going on, to smile at others so that I can lie to myself that I can do this. 

Who says smiling means I am happy. 

I wished the world can shut up.

Shut up even when I am laughing,  because I am already upset and covering up by laughing to keep myself alive.

Shut up because you are not helping things

Shup because any further I might burst out in tears and auguish

Shut up because I am controlling myself as we speak

Shut up even though I might understand you but you never did understood me.

Just shut up.