depressed.again.

i am really not surprised i am not depressed at this point of time. Really, who wouldn’t? my lowest mark i ever got in my life is now 47 and NOT 50. and its a science. even my maths fare better than that. feels so much worse when sathya cried during lesson today. He didn’t fail bio. I did.

i guess i need to get used to the idea that i am going to fail some time and another. It suppose to be normal but my character seems to not permit it. well, it all comes down to how i cope with everything i guess. my attitude wants and needs to change, though i realised that i am starting to take things quite lightly than before. a good progress, but not good enough to keep me from being depressed. i really hope that i could see the light some day, i really need to see on the bright side of things. These life stuff have to be changed gradually over time, and i am getting impatient.

getting depressed open myself to a lot of things. I now have to control my feelings through music, none of which i felt necessary till now.Calming my nerves and controlling my feelings through classical may be a great way, but it’s sort of deceiving to yourself too…. Part of me wants to feel great, while the other part still wants to be depressed enough to get inspiration of some sort.

I need to do something abt it.

Leanne