depressed.

this holiday makes me feel like i am taking drugs. Drugs are meant for people to feel happiness momentarily and in long term cause depression.that’s what this hoilday have taken towards in the last few days or perhaps weeks.

i always hated project works all these years. On the account of academic results, we have to work together and produce results.On several occasions i find myself pulling my hair over something that is due the next day. All because of someone who fails to remember dates, have computer problems or in simpler words-lazy.I always have problems trusting that person after that. then, as time passes and i do more and more project work, my list just narrow to half a dozen “candidates”. I fail to truly recover from that experience.Every now and then i would try to accomplish the job by myself and it sort of just means that i “share” my marks with the rest of the people. The past few months have been simply marvellous.The stress just builds and i try to look forward to the holidays. With little success and more of the failure.

To me, rest is not staying @ home one day and going some where else the other. My ultimate desire is to stay @ home everyday.that’s is the least of my issues. I was able to recover myself from that kind of thinking and embrace the lifestyle that i am suppose to adopt. with success. till today.

I have never felt so irritated in my life. Perhaps a little lesser that the issue that i have before my P6 dec holidays which left a scaring in my heart.After that, i have been very sensitive about words. The way you phrase , How you accuse me. I totally in one word HATE any attempts of accusing ME. I will hate the person for a long time and believe my words.

Do not ever distrust my sense of responsibility, my judgement and whatever that i meant to say or do. That’s the bottomline. i always fail to understand people who never listen before making ANY judgement @ all. Before finishing your sentence, imagine how you feel when the person out rightly say NO and never gives an explanation? It’s feel terrible. it was as though you wasted your strength, time and thinking. For me, i feel hollow, without any purpose in life.

I was prepared to take a step back, to take a break from all the responsibility and to experience for another time- what it feels to be lead by other and then another problem arise.

this time it made me feel idotic. NOw i am accuse of not doing any work…when i am rejected of any work.

I”M depressed.

Pls understand and give me my break.

 

LEanne