#thegoodolddays

I am not sure if this is a sign that I am back to blog more frequently because I still have my Tumblr to handle small outbursts of inspirations/depressions/happiness.

 Looking back, I think my life is just purely simple; going to school, going home, doing homework, handling mountains of books/readings/homework/tests and CCA. CCA was really the centre of my pride, believing that I am the best. The more dedicated, the one who cared to read manuals, go to parades to represent the school and even handle that stress (it was really very stressful).

 Somehow my diary has this entry which I would go "Am I really that angry to be so angry". I guess it was a sudden lesson to tell me that we don't always get what we deserve to get. The remaining student life was struggling with getting what I wanted and looking at the results. Sometimes I wondered to myself if all was worth it, being so utterly depressed; feeling so utterly useless. To be honest, every stage of my life I have been constant reminding myself that I have done the best I could, made the best decisions there was.

 I rarely regret. Because while I may forget that feeling of anguish, frustration and despair that I had, I would never forget that I am living with the results. Constantly. The people I met shaped my experiences, the good and the bad (more of the bad) such that I learnt to never expect much from others.

 Recently, more often I have been thinking I have been living with myself for too long. Afraid of people. Afraid of being hurt. Afraid of that one moment which I will ultimately regret. That I rather lived normally than to fly.

 Leanne